:P

Oink

Ohh Im back happy new year, like i said sometime back gods been kind to all you drunkards, he put it on a saturday so that you'll have two whole days to find your way back home. So Im assuming that you`ve passed the stage where you fanny about.

New year is the time of year when non emo people tend to become emo, the new year greetings i got were just pathetic some of the "macho" metal heads out there sent me stuff that starts like "its a brand new year time to wipe those tears.." wtf!!! I guess everyone`s trying hard to make things rhyme with year - so fear,tear,near,dear and all those crappy words made it to the list.. but how come beer didn`t??? New year is all about drinks and drunks for as long as I can remember. (I for a fact love drinks and drunks (who dont puke on you))

Dear Uncle dont fear
your cholesterol might be here
right up with your blood sugar
but Im sure you can drink beer
Dont you shed a tear
when your hearts bout to explode
coz we who love you
have no choice but to be near..

there we go.. why cant people settle for something like that..

And for gods sake whats this shit about lighting a lamp or a candle to dispel your fears, may the light take you.... blah blah blah.. all you fuckers are contributing to global warming and if this continues we prolly wouldn't have new years to celebrate.

Fire crackers are the other thing, I was sick (that's why I couldn't post anything crappy on the page..I had all the H1NI symptoms but my doctor said that I should only worry if I say OINK.. I only manage to spurt out the word ink at the moment so Im an O away from being a swine. O some issnit it ) However I was trying to get my beauty sleep and these fuckers started lighting crackers at bloody 10pm that is kinda premature.. Looks like most people in my neighborhood have premature ejaculation... Now you know where I come from.. I come from a hood where people cream their pants and stain their sarongs. Rathmalana !!

(h)EAR (h)EAR

Oh good morning my subjects its a beautiful day isn`t it?? I must admit blogging has its perks... you might wonder why I say that, its simply because my sanctimonious bitching got me some results for once. I have FOUR followers (that`s probably all Ill acquire in my lifetime but that's beside the point innit?) I only wish my bitching had the same effect on our finance department... Im underpaid atleast thats what the voices in my head tell me! or not forgetting my wallet which seems to deflate thanks to everything else that inflates. Screw that.. let me take this opportunity to thank you for being smart enough to click on the follow button! you rock!! you do to me what diamond shaped pills do to Josh Groban! (if you want more details refer the lyrics of his hit single You Raise me Up)

The wagging of critical tongues have begun.. but Im as optimistic as an 80year old lady who thinks that the wonder bra is the answer to saggy tits!..this means that at least one person out there thinks I'm serious!! (WII!! or is it whee?...anyway..).I was told that I have to focus on punctuation and that i should break my sentences in an orderly manner, but I was wondering friends doesn't that beat the purpose of blogging? Isn`t a blog a place where you let your emotions flow??? Wouldn`t punctuation be like putting a comma or a full stop when you have diarrhea?? Im sure most of you know how it feels when that happens, well thats how I feel about punctuation  But I do appreciate your input, like Vincent Van Gogh did, ok....he didn't get a lot of criticism for his art but people started talking SHIT when he decided to cut off his left ear and mail it to the girl he wanted to impress. Those harsh words helped him regain his conscience my friends, just imagine how chaotic it would`ve been if he didn`t and if it caught up??? Chicks will be up to their ears in ears!!  So I will once again try out the punctuation thing if not you'll be up to your ears in metaphorical bogs on this blog.

Sucky lives are directly proportional to blogposts

Some say that  life sucks and you die which isn`t really true..because if that was the case all the emo kids out there would be dead, salons would be out of business, shops that sell pink t-shirts will be shut down,Dashboard Confessional records wouldn`t be certified gold or platinum and DSI wouldnt have to design new pink flip flops for males !!

Life sucks and then you blog (which also might explain the growing number of blogs and the sudden decline of obituary notices for people with emo hair styles)

Realisation and eggs

A good farmer wakes up every morning and checks out the number of eggs that his hens lay, I wake up and count the number of hits I get on my blog. I must admit, it makes me feel that I'm totally contributing to the betterment of the mankind. I do to mankind what Kei$ha does to people who get slizzered, or what Chandrika did for Satellites!

Its been more than 48 hours since I started making this place a better place for each and every stake holder (for best results read that part again with Micheal Jackson's Heal the world playing in the back ground ) and I'm happy to say that the number of hits have increased drastically, which could possibly be because I found what the refresh button on Mozilla Firefox does, but whats pathetic is the fact that  no one has decided to follow me.. Does this mean I'm (sobs) Un-Stalk Worthy (sobs again twice to enhance the dramatic effect )??? Answer me!! (switches on the cd player and plays The Belle of the Boulevard by Dashboard Confessional and waits for a response)

(A couple of minutes pass,and I finally manage to master the depressed emo look) Why??? Whyy??? isn`t anyone answering me?? Whyyy isn`t anyone following me? Is it because I have body odour or it is because I look like a breast implant gone wrong? For the love of Silicon Answer Meeee!!! (No response.. and the song comes to a dramatic end. Shuffles to find the Blue October album and puts on Hate me) You don`t understand me, no one does I'm so misunderstood I think its high time I call myself an artist. This blog will be a canvas for I am an  artist  those who don`t follow me will suffer the fate of a constipated sea lion that's got its penis glued on to an iceberg. I will unleash my wrath as soon as I get this fringe to look pretty and you`ll never get to lay an egg ever in your life.. ever.... you will only be a curry chicken.. not the broilers but a mere curry chicken.

Deer blog

Dear Diary..
I woke up in the afternoon with morning breath.. but then again i`m too self obsessed to admit it. The mind is a funny thing I think its already built up a mechanism that automatically makes me hold my breath till i brush my teeth, that's why its hard to breath early in the morning or in this case the afternoon, and its definitely not the shit load of cigarettes I smoked that's making me feel out of breathe. Damn aren't I reasonably good at reasoning.

So I`m on my bed thinking about life whilst slipping my hands down my pants to scratch my scrotum (my sack! - that's for the benefit of people who don't have balls or haven't been around them too much to know).. and life sucks balls, not ping pong balls but testicles, my friend my drummer and my homophobic little homosexual is in the hospital, things are pretty bad he wouldn't be able to move for at least two months, the Doctors asked him to Try (notice the capital T - i wanted that word to stand out) walking after about two and a half months. So its pretty depressing to see one of your best friends sprawled on the bed kinda reminds me of the blob of black ink that i`m crazy over these days (fuck I said that.. damn i should have a heart no.. but heck that's what it looks like.. honest ) What the doctors didn't tell my friend was that it might take up to four months till he can jerk off! I can just imagine all the tension building up in his scrotum, what can I say bro I feel you coz I haven't been putting my testicles to good use for a while.. but then again that's by choice... but do recover soon I miss you! (taddaaa an emo moment - i`m sure that's enough to give you an emo boner!)

And to add to all of that my testicles seem to give me grief, they scratch a lil more than last week..yes the week before Christmas.. I think Santa had finally given me STDs instead of an SUV.

I`m gonna be optimistic coz I just started my day  . So lets just say that its much better to wake up every morning/afternoon with an STD than reindeer breath ???

Stoned Guru Ramblings

 

O Ramble On learned one
To what you preach I will succumb
Arms stretched forth for you my lord
grace me with your tentacles
that usher in death and its insipid drone

In constant motion
with the world that turns
your grandest splendor
is yet to unfurl
upon these ignorant mistakes of creation
upon these murderous thieves
these predators !!!

Ramble on O` Mighty one
of strength,honour
and fallacious deeds done
for these words you spun,
I am but a slave
who will bow down,
for thy glory’s sake

My sanity lies at your command
your words are a haven
to my troubled hands
your touch so gentle
makes my mind drift through endless portals
of timeless sand

At your presence they are weak
is this carcass shriveled up with glee ?
I will murder another for you my lord
More blood will be shed as the days draw close
for you to blossom over shrouds and claws
for you to rise as the blood bell tolls

Guide me to denounce
everything I’ve built
Give me the zest to cut again
Razors,Knives and Daggers bent
Tracing throats of those crooked men,
Hear their families crying out in pain
Tears so moist drip from their snouts

I will kill in your name
rape burn and plunder
tear down heretic faith asunder
till they bow down
worship you as the mighty one of all
and speak in tongues only we would know.

** The Lyrics of Stoned Guru Ramblings by Plecto Aliquem Capite **

Lyrics and Poster Design by : Buddhika Karunasekara

I came I came I came

Here I am in front of the pc thinking how my quest to find the appropriate name for this blog ended up being futile.. Most of the names I thought of were already taken, It seems that a lot of people decided to get emo before me, but here I am anyway with Pukadenawada the newest addition to the growing list of blogs in Sri Lanka, heck it’s even more than the amount of people who openly admit to listening to Dashboard Confessional or Secondhand Serenade, or the number of people who finish tubs of ice cream worrying about who Josephine Potter will end up with on Dawson`s Creek. Then again who am I to judge, I’m online and I`ve got a blog and I’ll probably have those little entries that start off like "Dear Diary.. Today was a bad day.."  I might even check the blog every hour to see how many hits I get and make it the sole purpose of my existence!