X

So I had a little chat with one of my friends, and he was going onnnn and oonnnn and onnnnn about how he misses his ex. Aparently he wants to let go but he can`t...  it bloody went on for about an hour and a half without the fitting Emo music in the background which is kinda stale, I would`ve actually enjoyed it with a little bit of Secondhand Serenade.. but anyway this shit got me thinking... I mean missing your ex even though you try hard to forget her is like being constipated innit. You really really want to chug that shit but you cant ... damn but its a pity that papaya doesn`t help with problems like this neda meya ?

Shoeshi

We talked about the influx of wannabe photographers in the country a couple of weeks back, but have you ever wondered why all the hi-tech cameras with features like Auto zoom,Auto focus,Auto Ejaculate..etc come from China and Japan ?

Well the answer is very simple. The people living in those parts have squishy eyes,which makes it utterly impossible for them to differentiate between a flag pole and a granny panty..
Have a look at Yung ho here if you dont believe me.

I don`t mean to sound insensitive like Jann Arden here, but its pretty understandable that these people actually need cameras with all these features just so that they can take a decent picture to stare at when they`re not too busy eating snakes. But what I don`t get is why people who can see properly have to spend hundreds of thousand rupee notes to get these cameras... Its like getting a dildo when you have a cock..

On an Island in the sun.. we`ll be playin` and havin` fun

Hey Village people,
Guess what I came across when I was looking for Punani on Google!!

"Punani may refer to:
  Punani, a small hamlet in Sri Lanka made famous in 1920 by a man-eating leopard" - wikipedia

Shit fuck damn... we don't have to go anywhere for Punani we have it right here in our wonderful country. No wonder they call it the small miracle..

Maybe we should make it sound a little kinky and start calling it "Punani Island", throw in a couple of roads bridges and casinos and start Punani tourism, or maybe we could start a hospital there, just imagine how fun it`ll be to hear Aunt Beatrice saying "My husbands getting a transplant at Punani Island" or "Hes getting treated at Punani Island".. or what if we have a high security prison, like Guantanamo bay fuck that`ll be downright awesome, I can just picture some of the news headlines "Prisoners escape from Punani Island!", "Sentenced to serve at Punani Island","Riots at Punani Island.." (Ok the last one was a little too much, Kinda reminded me of PMS..)

Just think a minute :P

Scratch and click

You know, I`ve been thinking.. there's been a shit load of DJs and Photographers coming in to the scene as of late.. it looks as if everyone wants to take pictures of mash up tunes, What on earth happened to the good old days when kids thought of growing weed or when kids wanted to start their own glue factory so that they can sniff glue all they want??  If this trend continues we`ll have to have turntables for breakfast and kodak for lunch...

But what most of these ambitious young uns of today don`t get is that not every one can be a DJ or a photographer, just because you upload a couple of pictures of facebook and add a copyright symbol doesn`t mean that you`re it and most importantly you cant consider yourself to be a photographer just because you have a camera and think you are misunderstood (heck if you are misunderstood call sumithrayo or start a blog like me) and DJs wannabe`s let me burst your bubble too.. just because you are pretty good at scratching yourself doesn't mean that you`ll do well on the turn table, forget the console go see a doctor.. get yourself checked for STDs! that's more contagious than anything.

EASTER

Happy Easter to all of my subjects, hope all of you had fun exchanging eggs

Im sure some of you might`ve even gone the extra mile and fertilized them too, good for you. Give yourself a pat on the back, enjoy it while it lasts and start banging your head on the wall  a little later when she who holds the eggs start craving.

Hand job anyone ??

Cave sex

Did you hear the news ???
Scientists claim to have found the first gay man in the history of mankind. He actually lived way before Boy George and Elton John and doesn't even show the slightest resemblance to the two, but T-shirt printers around the world are working on an evolution chart to justify that Elton and the boy are from the same tribe.

This my subjects was a cave man who lived in the  Czech Republic, whose remains are over 5000 years old which is totally cool, but Its kind of a let down when you consider how they arrived at the conclusion. You me or any other right minded and socially responsible person would think that they found this man with his 5000+ year old penis inside another cave mans butt.. but no! he was apparently buried in a graveyard reserved for cave women.. WTF !!?!! what an anticlimax ...just when i thought that VIVID entertainment was gonna make a killing by selling the first authentic cave man gay porn..

I feel sorry for the catholic priests though.. now whenever they raise their voice about total gayness Adam Lambert and that Ingram can always say that their ancestors had it up other mens butts even before Catholicism was though of.

:O

Greetings followers! It`s time for the ruler of the blog to address you once again. I apologize for the lack of noteworthy scrolls, I have been stuck between a dictionary and a thesaurus trying to (a) understand what my examiner wants me to do (b) trying to look up smart sounding words to put up in the assignment..

Alas all my efforts have been fruitless, I haven`t been able to set my eyes on any seeds either, (insert sad smiley here) the pigs in my head have refused to squeal out creativity, but have no fear because  I will post a random random scroll when ever I'm not too busy scratching my scrotum trying to share my knowledge with the examiner.

May the b(l)ogs be with you!

Egypt

Things in Egypt are getting crazier by the day.Thousands of Egyptians have taken time off from building pyramids and they are rioting.. these are hardcore riots my friends,it makes whatever happens at Sathosa Budget shops look childish. What they want is a new government without Mubarak. People say that he`s not fit to rule the country and that's not because he doesn`t walk like an Egyptian or because he doesn't have a camel toe inscribed on his forehead but because he`s a crook who`s involved in a lot of pyramid schemes. (no pun intended).

The rest of the world hopes and prays that things will be ok  soon,I decided to join them in prayer not because Im a goody goody humanitarian but cuz Im just sick and tired of seeing pyramids every time I switch on the T.V.

Some optimist once said that if there is a will there is always a way, that my friends is the gospel truth. The "Living" proof of it would be Hugh Hefner. The 84 Year old who`s currently doing (what I meant to say was that they are married) a chick who`s 24.. he proved to the world that the only hard on he has is not his headstone which is the usually case with people that old.

Today`s lesson is  :  If there's a will and a pharmacy with Viagra. You will find a way (If you are lucky enough you might even find your way in to something other than a goat or a tree)

Geography

What I realized during the last 24 years is that a lot of foreign beings have no idea where or what Sri Lanka is!!! telling them that its near India doesnt help either, most people know India as the land of babul,tikka masala and people with really really bad body odor.. but they have no idea where it is on the world map. Life gets even more difficult because we are a dot right under India. (sigh Its depressing innit... )

 I had to spend two whole hours shampooing my hair while listening to that "your hair is everywhere" song by Dashboard Confessional to get it !!!.and I finally got it!!!

I figured out how to explain where Sri Lanka is !! (FYI :: I didn't rush out of the bathroom all naked and soaped up, I wish I did.... but then again nooo... not many people like to see me with clothes on.. just imagine what itll be like for them to see me without em... )

Its very simple.. Let me give it step by step

1. Ask them to get a world map
2. Get them to spread it (I mean the map... )
3. Ask them to look for a country that looks like a giant jangiya, aka underwear (Everyone knows bout undies so theyll find it in no time)
4. Once they`ve found the granny panty that is India ask them to look for a small dot right below it (dont tell them its the dot below the underwear.. tell them its the dot below the country that looks like an underwear that we so lovingly call India)

no subject

Ahhh happy independence day to all of you!! I know its a little late.. but hey better late than never eh?.

I will get to blog independently for a couple of days because I have a whole week to myself, therefore I can safely point out the fact that my hands will either be on the keyboard or "somewhere only we know" like the buggers from Keane say.

This is what most alcoholics would have to resort to if this whole Mathata Thitha thing gets off the ground..
BORU VODKA ... and BORU Kasippu,Boru White Diamond (I think you get the general idea)

Lucifer at work (2)

 The sarong clad pot smoking trishaw dudes have been bitching at a rate, and to my surprise the ones who wear trousers and smoke marijuana are doing the same thing!! they are bitching !!  (oh btw Pot and Marijuana mean the same thing.. i.e for the benefit of all the emo kids who`ve been too busy to read up about drugs thanks to their busy cutting schedules... I`m no expert but It might save you time if you use something other than Aunt Hilda`s butter knife..)

I wanted to get to the bottom of this.. and guess where I ended up.. down lucifers bottom... Yes!!! Lucifer has a side business... (he`s not selling vaseline to prostitutes in Gampaha..) He`s running a meter taxi business, you might have seen one in your neighbourhood too.. Its hard to miss.. It says LUCIFER PUTHA on the back and the meter starts at 666 (Once again for you emo boys and girls It`s not a short code for Pizza Hut .. it is .......... ........ the number of the BEAST... now dont ask me whether its the lochness monster...) I`ve even added a picture for all you non believers,SO THERE *struts off majestically*

Lucifer at work

This is what your favourite talk show host, creator of mascara and the producer of green contact lenses has been up to lately

Satan sells exercise books : The recession made a lot of people step down from their thrones and do things they never thought they would ever do. Mr Lucifer is no exception.

Whatever it is I have this strong diabolical feeling in my bowels that tell me that he will give Weerodara and Richard a run for their money.

W.O.R.K

Some say that works a killer.. but in my case its been a damn rapist,I guess that explains why I`ve started to walk funny.. anyway the point that I'm trying to make here is that work has kept me away from you. My subjects!!! its been 19 days!! 19 friking days.... a lot can happen in 19 days, heck Boy George can even get a sex change in 19 days...... but I`m back and if I go missing again that means I`ve checked myself in to rehab, that's where all the big names are Aaron Carter,watshername Lohan.. and even Howie Day!!! rehab is definitely the place to be.

Remember kids :  You are not the company you keep

you are the drugs you do and the drugs in turn get you some good company.

Of Dinosaurs and Castrates

I was skipping along to boyzone`s love is a hurricane and i almost got my feet tangled up in the rope after I heard the latest news from the world of Paleontology! The long necked veggy consuming critter, the dinosaur that introduced the wonders of grass to mankind is apparently a myth!!! Yes folks the brontosaurus is right up there with Pamela Anderson`s tits and Oprah's compassion when weighed on the universal scale of fakeness. Ill have to get rid of all my bronto toys, specially the ones that say that it walks like the real one, but this is just a first in a long line of disappointments scientists have got in-store for us in 2011. It wont be long till someone comes up and says that the castrati was a figment of some historians imagination. (Ill let you wonder why a historian would waste countless hours thinking about men who have their balls chopped off..) the only reason  why it hasn't been leaked yet is because scientists would have to break their backs trying to explain how acts like the Beegees,Adam lambert,Adam Levine and Shihan Mihiranga hits those high notes  whilst having their testicles intact, and they will also have to explain how certain morning show hosts have bass voices even though they don`t have balls to begin with...

The last couple of days have been a little hectic, but I didnt forget all you lovely people who read my blog.. Infact I thought a lot about you when I was jerkin off.. The number of followers I have is a turn on, it makes me feel all good inside just to know that there are people out there who feel like me,fart,burp and scratch thier butts like me *reaches out to you dramatically while singing hold my hand by MJ and Akon* This blog to me is what papaya is to someone who`s constipated, It helps me UNLOAD and this so called  need to unload is one of the basic needs of all Neanderthals....  and theres nothing emo about it, unloading is good and I will unload more unto your monitor as soon as I have some time for myself :)


Ohh my bad.. we are homosapiens... neanderthals are our grandparents..

Black Metal

For years black metal has been looked down on due to its anti christian implications. Some even went to the extent of calling it the devils music. Let us not dwell on this genres religious implications, but focus  on other attributes of the genre that make it abominable to any self righteous god loving conditioner using critter.

Not only do these musicians promote violence, they also promote unprotected sex,drugs and alcohol, but it doesn't stop there my friends, these so called musicians who are idolized by Black metal music lovers the world over also promote bad grooming habits.  Take a look at the picture below..

It shows the founder of the band Gorgoroth, who shows signs of balding in his early thirties, this matter is aggravated by dandruff flakes that are clearly seen forming on his scalp, the situation has become so hard to control that a professional photographer couldnt even touch up the final picture to get rid of the dandruff...I`m no hair and beauty emo expert but from what I gather.. It wont be long till he grows as bald as Satan. *sprinkle holy water on your monitor* can I hear you say the H word???* heyy yaaa can I hear you say the H word ???

The second picture is also of the aforementioned infernus, this picture shows how yellow his  teeth are. Too much oral sex and beer thats what did it... to think that they have toothbrushes in Norway !!!!

Do we want our kids to grow up like this ?? do you want your kids to come up to you with bad body ordour or bad breath and ask for money to buy a black metal record ?? Answer me?? *Sprinkle more holy water*

 Black metal isnt going against god alone, its going against emo`s who love to sprinkle on their mums perfume (regardless of whether the emo kid  is male or female- well you cant expect much from males that wear pink t-shirt when the universal colour for males is blue neda :P ) and adorn themselves with pink t-shirts and pink slippers and walk around with a thesaurus just so that we can shower an unsuspecting victim with words that juxtapose anthropocentric views they hold with all the alacrity we can muster up whilst the black metal heads Bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarr-hounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthurnuk. (thats a real word btw)

... i think i stretched my brain a lil too much to continue writing